Thursday, January 26, 2012

A Lovely Letter

Dear Kari,

Remember when it was 2011 and then January came? Yeah that was called a "new year" and you were supposed to set resolutions.

You didn't.

You had the chance to brainstorm, jot down all the areas where you fell short last year, and to make new commitments for this year, but you didn't.

So maybe you should do that now.

Tell yourself that it's time to sleep less and wake more.
Live with your vulnerability.
Learn to diet your stubbornness.
Stop procrastinating.... at least sometimes.
Attend the temple. 
Make your bed.
Create again. 
Sing out loud.
Eat less out-of-the-box food and more real-food.
Organize. Organize. Organize.
Own it.  Own the day, Own the night, but just Own it.

Love what you already have,
Hope for what will come,
and Fear less the uncertainty of your life.
Embrace the imperfect perfect and remember weaknesses can become strengths.

Take more pictures.
Don't be afraid to smile.
Trust again.
Pretend that no one is watching.
Act because you can.
Don't dance in the rain, but Smile in the snow :)

Make new friends.
Step outside of your comfort zone.
Grow, not vertically. Grow, not horizontally. Grow, internally.


   Find a reason.

Until 2013,
Kari Kane

Saturday, January 21, 2012

The only long term relationship I have is with a Rabbi.

It's cool when a guy knows about cars.

I like knowing a guy can use his hands to fix, repair, and put back together the broken pieces and faulty parts of a vehicle. It gives me the faith that this knowledge will carry over into his life practices and he'll be able to fix my broken down days and patch the spots in my heart that are a little worn out.

Our hands should go hand-in-hand, not because that's just what hands do, but because that's what we want them to do.

I want him to embarrass me with corny kisses, but no serious PDA. Gross. Just enough to make me blush. Cause let's be real here, embarrassment can be kinda fun.

I want to look into his eyes and see everything.
I want to know he sees me.

When I see him around others, I should see his genuine love for people.
He can't be his main focus. I'm not looking for a narcissist. No dominant male-egos here. I'm too independent to deal with a man like that. No "little submissive housewife" though I may not have much choice on the "little wife" matter.

The gospel and the Lord should come first and foremost in his life. I need to know he loves his priesthood, there is nothing more important to me than that quality.

I need to know that he'll be the greatest father a little girl could ask for. His future daughters should be his little princesses and understand well what it means to be a "daddy's girls".
He should cherish his family and the time he has with them.

I expect him to come home from work and instead of walking in the door and asking "so what's for dinner?" he should ask, "How can I help?"
He should be a part of making dinner; the whole family should be.
There's no family image I love more than the idea of little boys helping chop the carrots for the dinner salad simply because they want to play with the knives, yet aren't old enough to do so without supervision. Dad helping the little girls wash the lettuce and set the table while he tells them how special they are to him.

He should talk to his children not only when it is convenient, but because it is his highest priority to make them feel loved. He shouldn't take his fatherhood stewardship as a role designed for periodic emotional check-ups, rather he should want to speak to his children daily.

He needs to get over pin-pricks of mutual annoyance. Sometimes, I just have bad days.

He should be the "just cause" man who shows me and tells me that he loves me.

I want a man who will tell me stories and read me poetry, the dark kind. Edgar Allen Poe.

I don't want to have to tell him when I'm having a bad day, I'm never good at mixing emotions and words. It's generally a near-fatal mixture. I just want him to somehow detect it, which is maybe asking too much from a man, but at least the remedy is simple. He should just hold me, lend me his shoulder, and pop in a sad movie or read me some Oscar Wilde until I drift off to sleep.

I don't need a complex man.
I love simplicity.

I just want someone who will grow old with me and continue to take me on romantic walks even when we have to hold each other up and move at a crawling pace. Old people in love are so CUTE!

Love is kindled and rekindled in the "just becauses" of life. A simple note tucked away into a pocket, an impromptu dance down the hallway, a gentle forehead kiss.
A little spontaneous love.  That's all I really want.

I don't need to be his focus, his whole world, his obsession, but I do need to know that I'm important, valued, and well, wanted.

I want him to be a reader. He should discuss, philosophize, analyze, theorize. I'm just asking for a little intellectual stimulation here. I want to be able to learn from him, even if it means letting down my walls and being a little less stubborn.

He needs to have fun, yet know when to be serious. I want to have the goofy childish instances with him that make us feel like we're lost in the laughter of the moment together. We should be crazy.
I also want to know he's not a clown. He can be serious, down to earth.

He should be a gentleman. He should be charming, yet dignified. I may be a tomboy at heart, but deep in my soul I still want to be treated like a lady.

I also think it'd be good for him to play a musical instrument. minus the piano.

I want to love his voice, his smell, his eyes.

I want to steal his clothes to sleep in at night.

He doesn't need to agree with me at all. I could care less if we see eye-to-eye on a lot of things. He does, however, need to be a great listener with an open mind.

I expect to find someone who will protect me, chase the nightmares away and make me feel safe in my own skin.

I also want him to speak another language. Spanish or Italian. Mainly Spanish.

He should never make me feel used or taken advantage of. He has to understand the meaning of "no" and understand I'm fragile.

This doesn't mean I need him to constantly tiptoe around my feelings and censor every thought to protect my emotional status; it simply means he needs to be considerate and courteous.

I don't think a relationship should be about "give and take" rather "give, and then give some more"
Yet, I know that you can't give yourself dry in a relationship. You should edify each other, expand each other, help each other grow, create each other, and ultimately help each other to love the Gospel and the Savior. You should be each others shoulders, support systems, and best friend. Love is about being there for each other.
I want some one that will be there for me no matter what.

I want to find some one who will stand out, which might be difficult to do here at BYU since everyone is already outstanding, but I believe it is possible.

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

So... Kari got a guitar for Christmas.
She wrote another song. 
here it is.


I had my chance
to make us last,
but there came a girl
with long brown hair
who'd sing your music for you
when I just didn't care so
I lost my chance
to make us last.

You did funny things
to try and make me laugh, 
but all I did was laugh
at your sad act.

You tried
Too hard
to act like you were the only one 
when I knew
in reality
I was just another number.
Can't we, baby
just pretend this isn't really over
'cause I need 
some one
just to let me cry on their shoulder

please
please



Monday, January 2, 2012

Check These Out

Hey there.

So Lindsey and I did this epic photo shoot... but when we went to develop the film it was blank!

DANGIT...

well, at least Emily got some awesome photos.  Check them out on her blog

Project Adoration - Emily

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Thought Vomit




Do I want to teach?

Would I even be good at it? Could I see it as a respectable career path when it is so frowned upon by BYU and most of the world?

I don't know.
I just want to help people.
Preferably youth.

I was thinking about how, if I became psychologist, I would genuinely be helping a small group of people on an individual basis. That career would lack the diversity of the group, something that I really love. But, if i were to be a teacher, I would be missing out on the quality aid. I would be teaching a large group with the sincere hope of helping everyone, but in all reality, I might maybe influence a couple students for the better. Most of them would pass through my class and come out the other side with a few more zzz's to tack onto their "naps is class" book.

it's just a question of quantity vs. quality in the end I suppose.

Help a few very deeply, or help some somewhat.

Bleh. Could I even reach them? Would I even inspire them? bore them? convince them to think?
I DON'T KNOW!!!!
I have no answers.

Quick question though.  Why is teaching so frowned upon? Teachers are the people that change our LIVES! yet when you tell people you are considering becoming a pre-pubescent instructor you get the glances of disapproval all around.
Well excuse me for trying to insure my future Bill Gates wannabe. Not all of our aspirations center around money.

psh....

Maybe I could do it. Maybe I have the people skills, the drive, the passion, the knowledge, the vision.
But what about the organization? The depth? the Patience? the stamina? the voice?

Do those just come with time or what?
cause I'm clueless here.

All I do know right now is that if I do become a teacher, I'm definitely teaching my students about dwell time. I think it's one of the most important lessons I ever learned from that incredible man, Mr. Wix.

Dwell time: Pondering ideas, not just taking them at surface value and letting them quickly run a marathon through your head, but slowing them down. Taking them for a walk. Examining how they carry themselves. Seeing their manner and style of walking change or maybe you realize it's not even a walking idea but rather trotting or skipping one. Perhaps it bounces.

There lies great importance in being able to think about one idea many ways over an extended period of time.

Too many of us get caught up in thinking about one thing in one way; so much so that any new proposed idea becomes preposterous or even, heaven forbid, WRONG.
Whatever happened to the ability to think in new ways, huh?
Today, people are too quick to not even bother to think at all!!

It's not that they've lost the desire or the capability to think outside the box, it's just that they refuse to do so. They can't because they won't.
I don't know about you, but I grew up with the little engine that could, not the little engine that refused.

Can't we remember Descartes? Je pense donc je suis! "I think therefore I am!"
Where are the Da Vinci's? The Aristotles? the Platos? Pascals? Einsteins? Emersons? Franklins?

I mean come on humanity. GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER!

Stop refusing to utilize the very thing that makes you human.... YOUR BRAIN!!

If I could just get people to do that, use their intellects, to think for themselves, to analyze, to refuse to be a mindless zombie, that would be worth something.
That would make me feel like I could leave this world a little better off than I found it.

People, use your dwell time. Ponder. Think. Reflect. Challenge. Entertain an idea without judging it nor accepting it, merely consider it. Forget the modern notion that every idea must be good or bad, wrong or right, black and white.
this world is GRAY. 

Let an idea exist. Let it breath. Let it live.
Don't assign it a moral label, ideas aren't even moral or immoral anyway. Leave morality up to actions and quit bombarding thoughts with its restrictions.

We categorize, label, and file away thoughts as if cognitive functioning in this world has a pin-point location and a definition. Nothing is allowed to float, to be watched, appreciated, and skit away untouched. We ruin every good idea that comes our way.

People are idea killers and opinion formers. 

What else can I say.

I hope you appreciated the thought vomit.