The Magic of Christmas

I haven't been feelin it.

nada

zip

zilch

nothing

until today.  

I've been going through these past couple weeks hanging out with friends, listening to Christmas music, spending time with family, and even doing service, but it just didn't feel like Christmas this year.

I want to blame the lack of snow.

stupid non-snow. Who do you think you are?

best snow on earth, yeah... riiiight. Thanks Utah. Once again for the dissapointments.

anyway, back to what I was saying. I wasn't feelin Christmas. Yeah I gave a talk about Christmas and it made that Sunday wonderful. Thinking about the birth of Christ, meaning of Christmas, and enjoying the holiday made all the difference that day.  The following days, however, didn't really produce much "Christmas Spirit" I was thinking about Christ, being kind, listening to jingle bells, but yet nothing was really all that special.

I figured it out today. I've been participating in every part of Christmas except for the giving part, which is a pretty important part if you ask me. I gave my first gift 2 days ago to my brothers and the Christmas magic started to happen. Tomorrow I'm getting a gift for my dad and hoping to get flowers for my mom.I have a gift to finish still... (Sorry Linds, its in progress! Blame the bow-tie knowledge lacking skills) and some to give tomorrow.

Yes, Christmas is over, but it's never too late to give.

This will change your life

I love....

• a perfectly shaped ice-cream cone 
• knowing the difference between being alive and living
• snow days 
• not being alone :D
• the never-give-uppers 
• all the funny people
• new things
• that every day is a new day 
• changing what I don't like 
• not knowing what happens next 
• writing the next page of the story 
• 15 minute mourning periods followed with pasta

I miss...

• saturday morning cartoons
• swinging during recess 
• black and white movies
• old things
• sleep
• sunshine in the morning
• the days of "will you be my friend?" "okay"
• hammy the guinea pig 

Thought Purging

I keep this thing called a journal. I don't write every day, but I write a lot, often.

Sometimes it's menial things like what happened that day, or sometimes it'll be my thoughts on something I read that day, a scripture or quote or text.

More often, however, I go through these things called thought purges.
Instead of real vomit I go through word vomit.

Everything I've consumed in the past week (feelings, thoughts, discussions, events) gets spit out onto several pages. Some of my most meaningful/interesting journal entries are thought binges.
Why? Because they are just full of reflections and questions and uncensored thought.
As we get older, our thought processes change, especially mine. Looking back on these entries lets me see how I used to think versus how I think now.

I'm not the person I was yesterday, and I won't be the same person tomorrow.

sigh... Perhaps I change too much.

But what is life if not a continual process of self-betterment?

I love thought purges.
Today I purged relationships.

They scare me.

so bad.

This sounds like a contradictory statement since I've been in a relationship ever since I was 14 and have absolutely no clue how to "really be single" but everyone has their irrational fears I suppose.

I mean how well can you ever truly know a person? And what is it that I'm even afraid of? failure? commitment? physical closeness? trust?
Probably a bit of all of the above. hm. I guess I'll figure it out.
Time is the solution to every problem.
I've just got to give it some time.

Thoughts That Keep Me Up At Night

The key to unlocking the human mind can be found in the writings of deep thinkers.

As I have been here at BYU, I have noticed myself changing. Everyone tells me I change a lot, but I don't think its been ever so visible to myself as it is now. I'm realizing that as I read the works of philosophers, artists, activists, professors, and historians, my ability to connect thoughts, theories, and ideas is increasing. A deep thinking mind is something I wish we all could attain. There are too many people in the world who could care less about what and how they think. There is a great deal of constrained power within the human mind. Just think! We could do so much more if we would just THINK!

Tonight I was reading a letter from Birmingham jail by Martin Luther King Jr. and it made me ponder some things. Now, while I realize there are some who don't particularly place Martin Luther King Jr. on their own particular pedestals because of his adulterous errors, I personally find him to be an exemplary American hero. I do not believe mistakes discredit profound thought, and his mistakes only humanize him in my mind making his accomplishments that much more astonishing. 

In part of his letter, he discussed extremists who have changed the world. (Jesus Christ, Abraham Lincoln, Martin Luther, Paul, and Thomas Jefferson to name a few) I find extremism to be an interesting topic because, so often in our world, we're taught to avoid it. Especially in Mormon culture we're instructed to "avoid the extremes" and live life of moderation. Everything in moderation. 

Perhaps we are taught this because, in extremity, values, beliefs, and even fundamental humanistic qualities become drastically relative and easily changeable. 

Perhaps it is because moderation maintains consistency and we all know human beings thrrriiiive on consistency. 

Or perhaps its because there just aren't many of us who can be successful extremists. 

I honestly don't know.

All I know is that the great heroes of our history were those who were not afraid to be different. They weren't afraid to stand out, to be mocked and scorned, or to present unconventional ways of thinking. They were not those who sought to exert moderate opinions in an effort to maintain mediocrity. No, they wanted to change the world. Our historic heroes created nonconformist visions meant to be shared. They were the ones pointing out our complacency and asking us to over come it. 

DO better. BE better.

Think about it. Where would we be had Abe Lincoln chosen to take the stance of "just let the south have their slaves and the north will cope." instead of his powerful extremist view of "we will keep fighting this war no matter the cost until slavery is expunged from this union." Lincoln took the radical view of absolute abolitionism, and because of him, America stands as a beacon of freedom for all even today.

I realize, however, that we cannot all be extremists. In fact, most of us choose to take the conformist route in life. But those of us who will become the extremists, the nonconformists, and the society shapers, need to be cautious and careful. 

If you want to be different, change the world, and leave behind a legacy, it is your duty to be better than normal. Change can be a wonderful thing, as with the civil rights movement and Martin Luther King Jr., but all you have to do is take one glance at a few Holocaust photos and you will shudder with stunning remembrance of the corruption that can emerge from extremist views. 

So, in the words of Martin Luther King Jr., "The question is not whether we will be extremists, but what kind of extremists we will be."  

I have many more thoughts to write, but alas 2 A.M. approaches and classes will be here before I know it.

Goodnight.
I hope you enjoyed the thoughts that keep me up at night.

Do not hide your beautiful face.

It's only bananas that get ugly with time.

Remember to giggle once in a while.

and Laugh even when you feel like dying.

gifts SUCK

...Once upon a time...

I hate getting gifts. 

Seriously. No joke. I hate it. 

It's not like I'm against the whole "Christmas spirit of giving" thing because I believe that it is a wonderful part of Christmas. I just don't like being on the receiving end. I already have friends, family, love, education, and material wants like my car and clothes. There is nothing else that I really need. 

I'm happy with what I have.

This is how every Christmas goes. 

I mean heck, I asked for a teapot, some headphones, and salt and pepper shakers... for Christmas.

"No, seriously what do you want?" - The parents

um... Literally, I would be FINE getting those 3 gifts in total. HONEST. 

Don't mistake me as a "holier than thou" doo gooder wishing my gifts away to others so that I can feel better about myself. That's not it all. No doubt sub for santas or soup kitchen volunteering would make me happier than gift receiving, but that's just the type of person I am. I can't help that. 

But it is more than that. 

It's that I feel WRONG getting gifts. Not that I don't deserve them because I think I'm a despicable human being or something like that. I like myself. I just think others deserve the gifts more.

Most people would jump for joy to open a gift, spy inside, and see a brand new guitar or perhaps a new snowboard with a giant bow. But me? No. I open a box, look inside and go... hm. That's $900 that could have provided Christmas for another family but it'll just end up in the garage collecting dust.

The worst part of this all? Wearing my emotions on my sleeve. When I open a gift, I try REALLY hard to make it look like I'm SOO excited to get it. But then my mom will go "You don't like it do you?" and my response usually ends up being similar to the collecting dust statement. 

sigh. 

I wish for Christmas instead of trying to buy me things people would give me their time. Or do things with me. Do you realize how much longer a memory lasts than a physical gift? Going to temple square with a group of friends to have a blast for FREE is worth soo much more to me than some new ipod that will be out of date and forgotten by next year anyway.

I think Christmas should be changed. It shouldn't be a time of gift giving but rather a time of time giving. Anyone can stop by the bath and body works, pick out a lotion, and pass it off to a friend as a "hear-felt" Christmas gift, but it takes a true friend to give you a day of their busy schedule to go sledding or photo-shooting. 

Can't we all do a little better this Christmas? 

Can't we all put the love back into the spirit of Christmas?

I have disorder

As many of you may know... I suffer from 

Onychophagia

It's just a little impulse control disorder. Nothing big. It began when I was a child and has carried over into my teenage years. Most people with onychophagia apparently lack confidence and have unstable nervous systems.  In fact, we are even predisposed to emotional and psychological disorders. 

It's an early indicator of OCD. 

(and I always told Mallory I didn't have any OCD problems) 

That is such a load of crap!!!

I bite my nails.

That means I'm a sociopath? well thank you Dr. Phil... but no thanks

A couple days ago I decided to stop biting my nails and guess what? they're gorgeous!!

Now my new problem is scracthing off all the fingernail polish which prevents me from biting my nails... so I have to repaint my nails daily..

sigh. Oh the life of an onychophagist 

Pour mes amis francais

For those of you who speak french..

or are okay with listening to music in another language...

voilà ce que je suggère

Le Chant des coquelicots - Amélie-les-crayons

Ta p'tite flamme - Amélie-les-crayons

Quand je marche - Bensé

Qui se soucie de moi - Cali

Comme des enfants - Coeur de pirate 

Entre Saint Ouen et Clignancourt - Edith Piaf 

Le diable rit - June

N'importe quoi - Little 

Bonhomme Hélium - Pierre Souchon 

Petite chanson - Tété

Indigo

Dear indigo, I’m waiting for you.
Waiting oh waiting for you.
Though the skys may change
to shades of lighter blue
indigo, I’m here for you.

CHORUS:
colors may change
time will fade them away
but indigo oh indigo
you’ll always be my favorite shade of blue

You always were
the darkest hue
but watch how I’ll brighten you
a wise man once tried
to use you
to make works of art, that’s true
but then he died
and now its up to me
to show the world what you can be

CHORUS

cerulean won’t do
well baby blue, that’s out too
so indigo its up to you
indigo my favorite shade of blue

I'm attracted to the everyman

You know what I realized? I'm pretty much attracted to everyone.

everyone that is a man that is.

Because guess what, I think everyone has something beautiful about them and its usually that "ONE THING" that I end up finding attractive. For example, a guy may have the ugliest butt chin, but if his eyes are gorgeous, I find him attractive no matter how heinous the chin.

Is that weird?

I suppose so...

But it's like really great songs. There's that ONE PART that you absolutely love and the rest of the song is just mediocre, but you still listen to the whole song for that one part. Eventually, you come to like all of the song. Its the same with guys. They may have the greatest smile or super cute ears and the rest of their features may just be average. It doesn't really matter all that much. 

The more I get to know a guy I can learn to accept the less attractive parts of him. They some how become attractive to me because of his personality (If I like his personality) 

Who woulda thought personality could have a physical impact on some ones appearance?

here's the problem with all of this.

I think I'm going to marry some one I don't find attractive.

I feel most comfortable around minimally handsome men.

Once I find something attractive about a guy, I don't really see them as a "brother" type friend anymore. Its like "O they're cute. Potential dating material!" even if I really consciously have no intent in dating them. Then, once I've realized I like something about them, I get all nervous in their presence or I feel like I have to be my best around them and I can't just joke around or be crazy kari. 

I don't particularly love that because I'm a genuine person.

  The guys that I like to be around I don't find attractive and I feel no need to impress them. This means I get to know them better and they're my best friends.

You're supposed to marry your best friend

even if they're ... well... ugly.

In the words of Elder Ballard "Get married. Just do it"
Everyone can be beautiful 

Has your car ever hit another car without you in it?

ya ..... that happened today.....

:P

but its okay!! Rabbi Omar wasn't hurt.

The Late Bloomer

I've been thinking about this recently....

And I am pretty sure I know what I want to do with my life. 

I've sort of always wanted to be a teacher; it has always been an appealing career.

but you see, I have this fear of being a terrible teacher. 

I think I could be great, but I know I could be horrible too.

hmm.

My friend lindsey tells me all the time that I have more potential than being a teacher, but in my eyes, teachers are some of the most influential people in the world. They shape our thoughts, the very way we perceive our world around us. Teachers have shaped my opinion and formed my beliefs throughout my life. 

Why wouldn't I want to do the same things for others? 

I just. I feel like I need to change the lives of others. I need to help others learn how to think outside the box and be open minded. I need to "SHOW" people the world. Really show it to them.

Perhaps the best way to do that is as a teacher. 

why do most people view teaching professions as unworthy careers? 

I can't think of a more worthy profession. 

I'm deciding to major in Interdisciplinary Humanities with an Art History emphasis and a French minor with intention to go into secondary education. 

:S

Barrel Roll

If you've never gone to google and typed in

"Do a barrel roll"

DO IT NOW!

Trying new things

 In college

 I don't do extra curricular activities and those were my LIFE in high school.

So I'm somewhat dying of boredom

and I guess I could study 

or 

make new friends

or 

get a job..

but instead, 

I'm learning how to play guitar!

side note: pay no attention to the awful singing voice

Mario Kart Love Song ?????

Mario Kart Love Song

This is adorable.

I think note

Instead of taking notes like a good college child....

I doodle!

Table of Contents

people write autobiographies all the time. 

Table of Contents

The Birth ........................................ pg .5

(obviously the birth can't take more than a page cause I sure don't remember it)

 I kind of almost died .............................. pg 1

Thou shalt not steal in kindergarten ........................ pg 10

And I was in third grade! .......................................... pg 16
My friend's brother shot his-self and hammy died ................ pg 20

I promised not to make friends in AF ........................ pg 24

I broke that promise .................................... pg 25

my friends and I, we think we're wolves....................... pg 30

nickels mean more than 5 cents ........................ pg 37

6th grade gradumacation ....................... pg 39

life gets awkward ........................................... pg 40

life continues to be awkward .................... pg 59
So many notfunerals ............................... pg 63

The First Kiss pg ................................................. pg 65

My tenth circle .......................................... pg 70
helping Kari find Kari ........................................... pg 73

Girls camps come to an end ...................................... pg 76
Wix changes my life ..................................... pg 78

The high school years ............................................... pg 90

Atwood and Madame and Hanks.......................................... pg 95
The Junior year rock ............................................ pg 98

Sterling scholar makes me a better person ................... pg 100 

I choose you BYU .................................................. pg 105
bye bye beautiful .......................................... pg 107
A confirmation ..................................... pg 109

Moving out and moving on ..................................... pg 120

Life gets great and stays that way....................................... present day

go read a great book and have a wonderful day 

No motivation

Guys. 

I don't want to do ANYTHING..

I've been sitting here for the last 4 hours trying to come up with a a paper outline. 

Instead, I ate a peach, talked to my roombuds, talked to some friends, did some facebooking, ate some soup, drew some doodles, and ultimately wound up here.. 

blogging.

I've always been such a great student, but BYU reduces me to mediocrity so I suppose I'm simply fulfilling the expectation.  I don't want to write a paper for American Heritage!!!!

 

Once upon a time I went to a french club activity that was all about medieval torture.

I hated it.  Everyone was giggling and laughing at the torture mechanisms and devices like they were some kind of joke. 

Maybe I never should have visited that torture museum in Germany...

Seeing the kind of sick things people can do to another kinda screws you up a bit. 

How can people laugh at things like that?

I don't understand. 

A french Adventure

Today my friend Lindsey and I ended up matching (sort of) unintentionally.

We also got mistaken for being lesbians several times at the mall. 

ha ha ha

Anywho,

This is me trying to learn how to play the guitar. I can do about 3 chords! Be proud.

In 2012 here's how this sign will read.

Left: For those of you wearing skirts

Right : For those of you wearing pants.

Wrongly Informed.

You know those days in High School when your teachers said things like "You better do your homework and not slack off because when you get to college there won't be any extra credit!"

That was a lie

Or when they said "Oh ya cliques don't exist in college so everyone isn't stereotypical"

Also a lie

College isn't harder than high school, except for maybe the tests. 

Everything IS determined by your major so If you're like me and don't know what you want to do, tough luck. 

I'm beginning to think High School Teachers were misinformed

I wore my tie

Wanna see the cutest thing ever?

A pig in rainboots 

what to do oh what to do

I honestly don't know what to do with my life. 

I don't want to grow up. I'm still a child. 

but..

I think I want to be a teacher. Maybe. 

The Name Game

The other day guys from our home evening group game over for games and ice-cream. We started talking about naming our inanimate objects and I thought I'd introduce you to mine

my car:   Rabbi Omar

my Ipod:  Spick

my LAX stick:  Herbert

my unicorn pillow pet:  Edmonde

my computer: René

The Concert..

Yesterday I went to this concert.

I was supposed to see Switchfoot, Anberlin, Neon Trees, and Panic at the Disco.

I only saw switchfoot and no it wasn't because I wasn't wearing my glasses.

There's these things called tall people and I just don't understand why God created them. They're so very hard to see over.

They make my life difficult.

except for when I need to get something down from up high... okay so tall people are beneficial occasionally. Just not at concerts.

The tall people weren't the only reason I didn't get to see anything though. There's this disease called Malaria which apparently plagues random rock stars who haven't been in Africa the past couple days.

Just in case you were wondering.

This disease happened to claim Brendon Urie as its victim.

I don't even like Panic that much, but after enduring so many sweaty people touching me for so long, I expected this man to sing for my entertainment. (yes, I know he's no Adam Lambert. He wouldn't cancel a concert over Malaria)

but... he didn't. So I endured gross, smelly, personal bubble violating, butt touching people for almost 2 hours to see 1 band for 40 min.

all in all.. quite a failure concert.

not to mention the idiot guy who wouldn't quite elbowing me and freaked out at me. 

seriously, just because you're at a concert doesn't meant you have to forget human decency.

People are people it doesn't matter how small!

and just because its a concert doesn't mean you can take advantage of them!!!

GRRRRRRRR

at least I got to see skyler after the concert. He, Lindsey, and I watched Limitless which was pretty good. His mom made us steak and corn on the cob. His dad did the popcorn.

I only hope Red Jumpsuit will be better.

oh the college life

Guess what, I haven't posted in 4EVER...

are you surprised???  Good, I didn't expect you to be.

So here's how it goes

Book of Mormon test. Piece. Of. Cake.

French test. Will. Be. The. Death. Of. Me.

Sociology test. ummmm.... you may or may not kill me.

American Heritage test. I'll tackle you next week.

Red dress, you're getting tackled this friday :D

Monday was a great day. 3 different people drove my car (2 of which were boys) so guess what?!?!?! I'm making man friends!!

my home teachers also apparently exist. they brought me cookies! which were surprisingly good. (who knew men could make cookies? I sure didn't)

despite the male friends.... no dates yet :( come on BYU, I thought this was supposed to be a marriage palooza.

where are the men these days? sheesh.

The College Movie Collection

now consists of...

•  Alfred Hitchcock movie collection
• Arsenic and Old lace
• Australia
• Chocolat 
• The Devil Wears Prada
• The Fountain 
• Gattaca
• Hercules
• How to Train your Dragon
• The Invisible
• The Italian Job
• John Tucker must die 
• A Knight's Tale
• Meet Joe Black 

• Mentalist (seasons 1 & 2 & soon 3)
• Mr. & Mrs. Smith 
• October Sky 
• Panique Au Village
• Patch Adams
• The Prestige
• Rain Man
• 17 again
• She's the man
• Space Cowboys
• Sydney White
• The Tenth Circle 
• 13 going on 30
• Van Helsing
• Young Frankenstein 

all in all, I'd say that's a pretty awesome list.

The Picture

*Kari Kane does not post an awkward picture of Lindsey Liechty*

I hope you know this took every fiber of my being. 

appreciate the love, appreciate it.

oh the cute men

Wanna know the epidomy of a perfect day?

Waking up at 7:45 (which is sleeping in as compared to the rest of the week)

and going for a 30 min jog. Exercise always makes you feel awesome.

Brownie points for reducing the amount of fat people in this country.

Then, after 30 min jog, feeling accomplished by taking out the trash for the first time in my life. Making breakfast on top of that. (if you consider delicious yogurt and granola making yourself breakfast. I do. It's advanced for me)

Heading off to school after getting ready for the day.

Having a parking spot open up just for me at the most difficult time of day to find one.

Being in a small class where I know half the people, feel comfortable stating my opinion, defend the genius of Lady Gaga against 20 other studets, and have a T.A. that is super cute.

After American Heritage going to Western Humanities and discussing the Illiad.

I seemed to be the only one giving answers to the T.A.'s questions, which gave me a smarty pants boost.

Score.

but the BIGGEST score is what comes next.

A boy.

Ya, you know how I've been freaking out about meeting people in college and making friends?

okay maybe you don't, but I have been.

any who, that's not important.

What IS important is that this boy is cute and that we exchanged numbers.

Granted it was for a study group containing one other person

and I'm having a great hair day (my hair smells delicious from this coconutty spray stuff)

and I was overly outgoing today

but these things pushed aside,

he still asked me for my number.

score #2

I now have a prospective man friend at college?

side note: Is it good if a guy tells you you're an intellectual stud? hmm

food for thought I suppose.

Now i'm off to my favorite class, sociology, where the professor is also cute.

So many cute men!

I guess this means the recipe for a really good day is

a pinch of exercise

a dash of great hair

a slice of delicious pizza

and a generous sprinkling of good looking men.

yep. that is the epitome of a great day :D

Oh! and just incase you didn't know, this is also the first day I've seen cute men at BYU.

I was in denial that they existed here.

Feeling Brainy

Throughout my first week of college, I've noticed all these intriguing little phrases and ideas from my textbooks. It makes my day. Seriously. Who knew textbooks could be so enlightening? I've never actually read one cover to cover...

Call me a nerd, but I think I'm falling in love with that idea.

I'm sitting here reading the Illiad and the banter between Acheilles and Agamemnon over the subject of Chryseis is just hilarious.

"She's no worse than her when it comes to looks, body, mind, or ability. Still, I'll give her back, if that's what's best." 

Ehem, notice how looks and body are prioritized over mind and ability. For over 2000 years this typical male thought process has only had one major change.

Chryseis became Angelina Jolie.

Yes ladies, men have been and will always be men.

(quoted from the Illiad)

On another note, I'm also loving all the religious talks that fit in with the subjects i'm studying. The gospel hand in hand with secular education truly makes SUCH a different. I practically feel brilliant.

practically.

"I'm reaching that age, as Elder Maxwell said, where I can't hide my own Easter eggs."

Dear College

Dear college,

I've only known you for 3 days, but so far our experience has been mediocre.
I'm sorry I got some random disease and have been on drugs since. I know it affects our relationship, but don't worry. I've got a plan.
I think I'll do the massive amounts of french 321 homework you've so graciously given me, read some articles you suggested about tortured monkeys, and polish it off with the Illiad.
Then I'll take some more drugs, head off to bed in the wee hours of the morn, and see you bright and early for an exam.

I think this relationship is going to work out just dandy.

Love,
Kari

Bucket list

My Bucket List 

 

 

2. Have a giant pillow fight and get feathers EVERYWHERE.

3. Sleep with the pigs 

4. Send a message in a bottle

 

 6. Walk around the house in boxers and a man's button up shirt.

7. Spend a night under the stars in a sleeping bag.

8. Learn how to make an origami crane. 

9. Bury a time capsule.

10. Fly first class.

 11. Read the classics.

12. Learn guitar.

  

14. NEW MINI COOPER

15. Buy dinner for a Hobo

16. Name a star

 18. Make a mural

19. Paint a city wall

20. Take a picture with some one famous 

21. Learn the Thriller dance

22. Have an actual makeover

 

24. Walk where Jesus walked. 

25. Attend a Masquerade ball.

26. Learn to waltz for said ball. 

27. Take part in a murder mystery.

28. Give blood

 

29.  Somehow record the songs I've written, before I forget them, and get them onto a cd. 

30. Be "on screen" during a sports game. 

31. Capture a butterfly 

 

and finally